WTF?
How can I get through this?
What is happening here?
These can be your thoughts as you look to heal from an abusive relationship.
They can also be your thoughts when you are playing a game.
What’s the boss level?
In a video game, it refers to the final encounter with a powerful enemy, usually one that is much harder to defeat than previous ones. This level is the ultimate test of your abilities.
When healing from an abusive relationship, this is the stage in your life where you fight every fear at once. It’s relentless, brutal, and seems like you can’t make a mistake.
Ready for some good news?
You can level up and win by helping your mind focus in the right direction.
Abuse is like a mystery
After facilitating a support group for 7 years, one of the most common feelings people expressed is ‘what just happened?’ Being abused by someone who said they loved you doesn’t make any sense.
It’s like getting run over by a reindeer after climbing Mt. Everest. You thought you were at the top of the world, but something completely out of context topples you over.
How do you get past that?
Play a game
At the start of my healing journey, I read that the brain likes to put things in order. It makes it happy.
After leaving a decades-old abusive relationship, I was left with a mystery to unravel: how did my life go from “I do” to “what the hell?”
I read books, went to counseling, and started my own support group on the advice of a therapist. But that still left me with ‘down’ time.
Down time to an abuse survivor
Normally, down time means a period of inactivity, like a break.
But when you are recovering from abuse, ‘down’ refers to depressive moments when your thoughts are sad, dark, and unrelenting.
Enter Candy Crush
Since the brain likes order, I researched which games might be best for this. Candy Crush was on the list, so I started playing.
That was in 2016 and in 2024, I hit level 16,000.
Playing this game, with the music, the sound effects, and power ups, lets my brain focus on something other than my real life. I must concentrate on the game, and I am rewarded by winning. Yay for dopamine!
Order and Focus
These two words steered my healing journey.
I took the idea of putting things in order to other areas of my life. I worked for a greeting card company where I had to display the cards according to the planogram.
I got a job at the library where everything is alphabetized or shelved according to the Dewey decimal system.
I organized my closets and my desk.
My brain was happy because there was order again. Maybe I couldn’t figure out exactly what happened to me, but I had some control over the things around me.
Focus was the partner to order. I deliberately turned my attention from the one who abused me to concentrate on myself.
I became the main character in my story, and I intend to write her a happy ending.
Candy Crush taught me how to line up the pieces in my life to make the right combinations.
Heartwork (homework)
Pick 3 things that you can put in order right now.
How about organizing a closet or going through a junk drawer?
Do you have a lot of books? Sort them by genre or author.
Play a game. Candy Crush or Tetris are highly recommended. Or may you want to find things. Try Seeker Notes to uncover hidden objects.
Please remember, your brain and your mind are always on your side. You all make a great winning team!